10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Wives

image
Photo by Swami Stream

Note: This is a guest post from my wife :-)
After my husband wrote the “10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Husbands,” he thought it would be interesting to add the other perspective. 

So, I made a list of 10 habits that my husband has commented on over time that has produced positive changes in our relationship.  He is right, the first year of marriage is really about adapting and compromise.  We are shown our terrible habits (how did our parents put up with us?) and overtime you do fall into a groove. 

But, don’t get too comfortable in your routine.  Adding some spice and maintaining some good habits will make a very successful and enjoyable marriage.  Some of these habits are similar to the “Muslim Husband Habits” but, some are just for us, girls.

  1. Stay Healthy and Get Outside!

    This is by far the most important habit a Muslim Wife can do to make a successful marriage.   Before marriage, my husband and I were both active people.  He was an extreme biker and I played basketball for almost 10 years before we met.  After marriage and the onset of chores, work and family obligations, time for staying healthy was becoming low on our priority scale. 

    Over time, we both forgot the initial attraction we had for one another – an active, healthy lifestyle.  An active lifestyle brings many benefits from  clearing the mind from trivial matters to enjoying each other’s company in a different way.

    As we have brought the active lifestyle back into our lives, we both realize we learn a lot about each other through activity.  For example, on our hikes we see the other person’s stamina and determination, in playing basketball, we see our competitiveness side, and in our daily walks we see each other’s stillness and appreciation for nature. 

    It is by far a crucial aspect of our relationship and one that really keeps us connected, alhamdulillah.

  2. Listen and Be Supportive

    One of the best things a Muslim Wife can do for her husband is be supportive.  We all know the famous story of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him; after receiving revelation, he came straight home to his nurturing wife, Sayyidina Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her.  She wasn’t on the phone with her girlfriend nor was she too busy on the computer, she was ready to comfort and listen. 

    For me, this starts as soon as your husband comes home through the door.  Greeting your husband with a salaam, a smile and a hug is sure to set a peaceful atmosphere right away. 

    A Muslim Wife is attentive to her husband’s needs.  If he is holding something in his hands, like groceries, take them from him, hand him a glass of juice or have some fruit or snacks readily available.  These small gestures show simple kindness and goes a long way. 

    If your husband had a hard day at work, the initial greeting will soothe him.  Thereafter, if he needs to vent about his boss or co-worker, listen to him.  A good listener asks questions, makes good eye contact and reassures with nods and affection.  Initially, take his side!  If things are said that you don’t agree with, wait until a better time to give advice.  The first initial response he is looking for is support and kindness from his wife, even if he is wrong.  Thereafter, of course you can give advice and guide.

    Another tip – remember names of people your husband says.  A week later after the work problem is over, simply ask your husband, “Is everything okay with Michael, now?” He will be happy that you really listened by remembering names. 

    So, lend a good ear and your hearts will come closer together.

  3. Be Creative – Change is Good! 

    We like to change things around in our apartment every season.  This is as simple as changing the furniture into a different position, changing hanging pictures or de-cluttering old knick knacks. 

    Over time, my husband and I have become minimalists.  We like the clean counter-tops, things put away in drawers and cupboards, and we have a new distaste for random objects.  So, we minimize every season by giving away clothes, dishes and books. 

    We also change our “usual” eating spots at the table and seating in the living room.  We change our chores around too.  I usually cook and he washes the dishes, but lately we have been cooking together and then sharing the dishes too (I soap while he rinses). 

    We have about four or five home-cooked meals that we both enjoy and we basically just rotate them week to week.  But, after a while we add a new dish to the mix.  I’ll learn something new from mom or a girl friend and surprise him with it one night.

    Small changes creates new growth and stimulation to your relationship without falling into boredom and we always feel like “we’ve just moved in” every time we change things around.

  4. Engage in Good Conversation – Learn New Things

    Engaging in meaningful dialogue that does not consist of talking about family, friends or every day matters can boost your marriage.

    Very easily we can fall into talking about what’s happening in our lives right now, which is fine and needed.  However, your relationship truly grows and tests new boundaries when you learn new things and share them with your spouse. 

    My husband shares new things he is always learning from blogging, marketing and computer stuff.  To be honest, this is foreign to me.  But, it is something that he is motivated by and by listening to him I have learned a lot of interesting things about it (and he has convinced me to write this article for example, lol.) 

    It’s nice to talk about the books or articles I’ve read and thought about with my husband so I can gain his perspective, learn about him and enrich my own.  At times, when we disagree on a topic, our persuasive strategies kick in, allowing for a good debate.  :)

    When other temporary things fall away that make you happy – a good conversation can last a life-time.

  5. Be Alive and Excited about Life

    Do you remember the first time you met your husband?  Probably one of those awkward meetings or something.  But, I remember both of us being alive and happy.  We tried to look our best and be interesting too.  I don’t remember either of us letting all of our problems out! 

    I’ve met a few sisters in the last little while that exude a certain kind of sadness or worry or fear that they don’t even realize that they exude.  They actually walk around with a frown! 

    They might have a problem or concern that of course makes them look and feel a certain way, but over time if the sad state continues it can really dampen the best of relationships. 

    Yes, the honeymoon phase (they say it’s the two year mark) can reach it’s end – but it doesn’t have to!  If you find yourself bored and sad, then it is really up to you to make a change in the relationship.  If you are seriously upset about something, then seek help! 

    There are so many things to be excited and alive about in the world!  You might need a change in your circle of friends (who really do have a big influence on how you see and do things) or you might need a new hobby or need to get outside and get fresh air on a regular basis. 

    Being energetic and happy and willing to try new things with your husband is an important aspect of marriage.  Being grumpy and unmotivated can lead to a whole bunch of problems for both of you.  Find a new friend or a new hobby or a new book and get excited about life.  Your husband will notice the energy and cheerfulness in you and you could change the atmosphere of your home and relationship just by changing your mood.

  6. Have One Good Girl Friend (Or Mom) – Share your Problems with Grace

    There are some things that you just need to tell a girl friend because she will just understand and some things you can only tell your husband and it is important to know the difference. 

    It is very easy to get so comfortable with our husbands that we share some  things with them that they really could be spared.  There is a certain kind of respect and dignity a husband needs to have.  And, sisters, there is a certain level of respect and dignity he also has for you, too. 

    I have seen too many times, sisters complaining about other sisters, their clothes or their characters to their husbands.  Please don’t do this!  Sharing secrets or worse the flaws of other sisters to your husbands is a big no-no, especially if the sister confided in you.  Even though you and your husband are a pair, your sister friend should not feel that everything she tells you is going straight to the husband! 

    This is not only gossip and forbidden in Islam, but boring and undignified to your husband.  Instead, having a good girl friend or even your mom or someone else you trust provides an excellent outlet to let out frustrations that can dampen a marriage or a husband’s mood or respect for you.

    In the same vein, sisters should not tell other sisters their husband’s secrets!  It’s okay to seek advice but not in a way that can make your husband lose respect in front of your friend. 

    Your husband can be your best friend and will be with you to the very end, inshaAllah.  It is not worth it to lose your husband and what matters to him over a friend who no matter how close they are, can end up not being there for you in the end.

  7. Dress Up and Smell Good – Take Care of Your Outward and Inward Appearance

    Finally, after years of searching for the “one” you are married!  You look into the face of your spouse and you think, “so it was you” that I was meant to marry.  And, the marriage chapter of your life begins. 

    Marriage is “half our deen” and now that there is this one man in your life, this is your chance to make it everything you’ve ever dreamed of.  And one fun thing a Muslim Wife can do is simply dress up and smell good. 

    I always think it’s interesting that sisters (and brothers) can be “frumpy” in their homes but as soon as they step out of the door they dress up and go all out.  Very often we dress up for the world (strangers who we don’t know or at our workplace) and sometimes we just let ourselves go in front of  family and our spouses.

    I think it’s great that couples get so comfortable with each other that they can stay in their pajamas all day.  But, sisters, simply dressing up and smelling good can really uplift your husband’s appreciation of you and may make him dress up and smell good for you too.

    If you are a stay-at-home sister/mom, yeah you can stay in your pajamas all day – but if you know your husband is coming home at 5:30, then change into something nice and put on some perfume at 5:00!  :)

    Taking care of personal hygiene and working on yourself inwardly is sure to add to your overall character.  Reading Quran, catching up on a Islamic lecture, praying and making heartfelt dua’a all add to the beauty of you. 

    So, strike a balance between the outward and the inward appearance of you and watch the positive benefits come into your marriage and family.

    • Be Affectionate – Don’t Hold Back Your Love

      I think culturally, many sisters can bring a lot of baggage to their marriages and it is not our fault because it’s the way we’ve all grown up. 

      Some of us have been too immersed in Western culture and seen all the movies that we have expectations of our husbands to act a certain way or we are the complete opposite where we have been so sheltered that marriage and the thought of living with a boy (when you are married) is strange and almost – wrong! 

      And, it is strange.  All of our lives, sisters grow up in the homes of parents only to leave them (quite suddenly) to live with a complete stranger (most people only know each other for a short while before they get married.) 

      But, the truth of the matter is that marriage is a noble sunnah that is one of the most beautiful aspects of our deen.  And, one of the best things a Muslim Wife can do is to be affectionate, even if it has to be learned over time.  This is your husband now.  The one man that you married and will be married to for ever, inshaAllah.  Be affectionate with your husband, whatever that means to you, and the affection will lead to a closer and more connected relationship. 

      Human touch, whether it be holding hands or a hug, leads to Mercy (Rahma) in relationships whether it is with your husband, sister friends or even your parents.  So, be affectionate often and reap the benefits.

    • Go the Extra Mile – He’ll Notice (Hopefully)

      Going the extra mile means doing something for your husband that goes above and beyond what he expects of you. 

      If he asked you to make a meal for his family, it means you go all out and make the dishes with care and effort. 

      If you are going out for a special day, it means you take time to find the right outfit and perhaps wear it a bit differently than he is used to.  It could mean sending him a random text message to say you are thinking of him or a random e-card. 

      It could mean spending extra time listening to him talk to you about his concerns without you changing the subject.  It could mean baking home-made cookies, inviting him on a special day you have planned, making him a gift or cleaning his desk space. 

      It could mean wearing earrings if you normally don’t at home, or giving him free time to work-out or for his hobby, or even helping him get ready in the morning with a packed lunch with a nice note inside. 

      The ideas are endless and with a bit of extra time and effort, your husband will appreciate the little details you’ve paid attention to, inshaAllah.

    • Say “Thank You” – Be Grateful for Small and Big Things

      One of the hadiths that scare me to death is the one that says, “The majority of hell is made up of women who were ungrateful to their husbands.” Yikes! 

      So, say thank you every night to your husband before you go to sleep for anything and everything that he has done for you.  Don’t overlook things you have got used to like him buying groceries, helping out with dishes, listening to your problems or simply going to work everyday. 

      Remember the big things and the small things and soon all small things will turn into big things for you, inshaAllah. 

      Thank him sincerely: “Thank you for helping with the dishes because it really cuts the time out I have to spend in the kitchen.” Rather than simply saying thank you, explain yourself to him and tell him why it’s important to you and that you noticed. 

      He will feel happy that he could help and may make him feel like doing it even more for you!  Most importantly, give thanks to Allah, most Generous, and He will increase your marriage even more, inshaAllah.

    Parting Thoughts

    This list is a reminder first to myself before I send them to you.  All of these are from experience of being married for almost three years now.  You may agree or disagree, but these are just some things that have helped the both of us over time. 

    And, we are always learning and growing and making mistakes, alhamdulillah, it’s all part of the journey.  Feel free to share more insight or your own tips with us in the comments below. 

    InshaAllah, may Allah pour blessing upon blessing into all our marriages!  Ameen!

    Related Posts:

    1. 10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Husbands





    Go to JannahJewels.com to find out more about these
    Islamic Chapter Books for Kids!

    Leave a Comment

    { 33 comments… read them below or add one }

    Jurnee July 13, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    Masha’Allah! This is an excellent and thorough post. I learned a lot of new things. I’m definitely going to try to change the furniture around and try a new dish or two. And, I really like the part of being in a good mood and staying active. Thanks for the tips!

    Reply

    StayAtHomeMom July 13, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    these are all so true – good tips to help me boost my marriage.. it is true we can often fall into a rut and things get boring. a simple change to my mood or doing new things i can see will really help. i like the part of keeping secrets of sisters to sisters and secrets of my husband. that is a very good tip. jazakiallah khair sister!

    Reply

    pie man July 25, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    I hope your husband realises how lucky he is!

    This blog is great btw, please post more regularly, both of you!

    Reply

    mystrugglewithin July 27, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Are we in Jannah or something?! :D

    Make your own blog, ditch your husband in this regard, and compete .. this is an amazing post! Jazakallah Khayrum.

    Reply

    slim August 27, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    @pie man

    Alhamdullilah, I am very lucky. May Allah continue to bless our marriage and make every marriage in the ummah stronger :-)

    @mystrugglewithin

    With a good wife, it can be like jannah ;-) MashAllah, my wife does write better than me… she does plan on starting a blog soon. But first, I’m going to get some more guest posts out of her! :-)

    Reply

    Kinza Ali September 16, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    Asalaam Alikum

    Thank you sister for sharing this wonderful post.I got a lot of help for my marriage.Many small things that we ignore actually matters in a big way.Thank you again for sharing this.Looking forward for more.
    jazakAllah.

    Reply

    A Muslim Girl November 9, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Assalamoalaikum sister, it was really calming to read your article. I’m not a married girl but still there’s something that’s irritating me a lot. Actually I’m going to marry a person who’s extremely possessive about me & all the islamic practices i observe. I myself am very much inclined towards islam. The problem is that he recently told me that i am marrying you to serve me and my family & he even said that I will make you do ALL of the house chores forcefully soon after marriage. I was desparate for a moment but then I thought about Allah the great, HE gives me hope that everything will be okay. Kindly tell me what does islam say about this? And plz guide me how to deal with him in this case. I don’t mind serving him but the manner he told me this hurt me a lot. Help & guide me plz… JazaakAllah

    Reply

    katie February 5, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    thank you for the advice. im a soon to be new muslim wife. im american and reverted to islam only 6 months ago so any help or advice i canget is most appreciated.

    Reply

    Fatima March 7, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    masha’allah these are great reminders. I am not married yet, but engaged, and quite frankly very very nervous about it, and these tips are awesome, I know have some insight on things I know my husband will appreciate me doing. Alhamdulillah.
    i’m definitely going to do randome surprise type things for him, because now, I see that he loves when I do things randomly and surprise him with stuffs like “bro guess what!” lol
    also what i’ve notice is that he also really appreciates when I get things done quickly that he asked me to do, whether as a favor or islamically speaking. so I will totally keep that in mind during marriage: try to do things ur husband really needs, quickly and without complaint and insha’allah you will reap the rewards.
    thankyou sister for this article, it made me thing about my fiance and my charateristics and what should occur (or could) in our marriage.
    jazakullah’khairan sis

    Reply

    parvin umran bhatkar. June 20, 2010 at 2:33 am

    assalam alailum,i really really apreaciate those habits b’coz it totly suits me ,i mean to say,my hubby & my relationship is same like u state above.inshaallah,allah blessed our marriage forever………………

    Reply

    azeem July 23, 2010 at 10:42 am

    salam:
    thank u for nice idea. ALLAH PAK bless u

    Reply

    Olivia October 6, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    a very nice article and well-written. i found the suggestions were really across-the-board too, which was nice. thanks for sharing!

    Reply

    P. Rigby February 13, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Although I appreciate the content and intention behind the post, I am inclined to believe, after 12 years if marriage and 3 school aged children and a full time job, that the rules are a little different in this stage if married life/parenthood. 3 years is still the honeymoon phase :)

    Reply

    Clifton Bradley July 15, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Islam getting stronger in the USA, Chicago, IL at Mass Al-Farooq at 8950 South Stoney Island on the east side of Chicago.. To brothers and sisters world wide .. Allah is the greatest ….. Here is a video on Islamic marrage . copy and past this link http://youtu.be/X_fdb8deGiI

    Reply

    Giuly November 25, 2012 at 8:36 am

    May Allah grant Paradise to you two in the Hereafter, after the current paradise you are living in this world :)
    Ty sis and bro!
    Salaams

    Reply

    Peace December 17, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Thank him sincerely: “Thank you for helping with the dishes because it really cuts the time out I have to spend in the kitchen.” Rather than simply saying thank you, explain yourself to him and tell him why it’s important to you and that you noticed.

    Marriage is a team – I hope he thanks the wife all the time too. Does he greet her if she comes home from work? Marriage is between two people and both have to feel loved and appreciated….women work in the home and many work outside as well…these are important issues. Some men work inside too or stay at home fathers….different situations for different couples but marriage is a team and if both can realize that and respect each other, it will be a blessed one inshallah.

    The post below disturbs me about that husband who spoke to his fiancee about forcing her to do stuff. He doesn’t sound like a good man. No man should EVER talk to a woman like that. It’s abuse and I hope the woman does not marry into an abusive relationship. You don’t force your wife to serve her husband and family like that. Who does he think he is anyway? Ugh I hate people like that. I hope this sister wakes up! If she is sad now imagine later!!!!!

    Reply

    Bradleyc79 December 23, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Thanks for the infomation ….. http://www.youtube.com/user/bradleyc79

    Reply

    Aisha January 14, 2013 at 8:42 am

    MaashaAllah! Beautiful post, inspiring and thorough.. Jazaakumullahu khair!

    Reply

    Hassan January 19, 2013 at 3:30 am

    By the way, the link at the top for “10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Husbands,” is not working.

    Reply

    Abu Nura January 21, 2013 at 9:54 am

    JazakAllah Khair Hassan for letting us know. Link has been fixed.

    Reply

    Suzy March 22, 2013 at 9:57 am

    I totally agree with you on all of the things you say ,my husband and always tell each other we love u b4 and be careful during ur day and wen he comes back frm wrk I tell him how much I miss and tell him I love him and he tell me the same thing and we ask each other how ur day went and I ask him how wrk was and how is friends r doing and remember him telling abt his friend daughter and ask him her and his friend and how they are doing and he so surprise ..We ask how each other family r doing coz we live far frm each other at the moment ..

    Reply

    Suzy March 22, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Salam ,I totally agree with you on all of the things you say ,my husband and always tell each other we love u b4 and be careful during ur day and wen he comes back frm wrk I tell him how much I miss and tell him I love him and he tell me the same thing and we ask each other how ur day went and I ask him how wrk was and how is friends r doing and remember him telling abt his friend daughter and ask him her and his friend and how they are doing and he so surprise ..We ask how each other family r doing coz we live far frm each other at the moment ..

    Reply

    Karama April 25, 2013 at 10:00 am

    Assalamu alaikum, thank u for this ideas are really great ,

    Reply

    Tamara May 30, 2013 at 6:46 am

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. I am an American married to my husband for 24 years I converted to islam because of my big belief in islam, but this just reminded me after 24 years that we do need to care for and love our husbands. Thank you again.

    Reply

    Mariam Ragab July 7, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    Assalamu Alaykum!

    We just recently got married and everyday I search for websites about “How to be a good muslim wife” (because I’m converted/reverted to Islam) and Masha’Allah I always find sites like this. I was very greatful because this is a big help for me.

    May Allah bless us all to have a Happy and Successful Marriages, insha’Allah.

    JazzakAllahkeir Sister!

    Reply

    diana natalia July 21, 2013 at 1:12 am

    it is really giving me a new view of life…. i failed in my first marriage before. and it was totally different with some of the tips written down here… so i knew and learned it all. but then my destiny brought me to my new marriage now which is fully with Islamic values…i can now smiling after reading every of the tips i read in here.. because now…. that is how i live with my beloved husband Syed Ibrahim… :)

    Reply

    cheryl rodriguez July 31, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Asalamu alaikum ! Am not married yet! But its goid info thnx!

    Reply

    Share Good December 22, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    Assalamu alaykum warahmatullah wa barakatuh
    Dear brothers & respected sisters
    It gives me great pleasure to invite you to my new channel, “Right Path”
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfUZFbksMLl163jMU74CdlA
    where I am going to upload all the programs of Huda Tv with a very good quality, starting from year 2005 up to current date.
    All the episodes will be arranged in separate playlists for better organization.
    Hopefully you will benefit from it and have the chance to share the reward by notifying your friends & colleagues about it.
    “The one who directs toward the good is in same level as the one who is doing the good or so”.

    Reply

    Aziz January 30, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    As a Muslim professional husband married to a Muslim professional wife (of ten years), 4 out of 5 times a week I find myself arriving home before my wife does. She is always more exhausted than I am yet has an amazing ability and energy to still feed us and our 2 children (whom she picks up on her way home) and tend to us in a manner that truly inspires me. So I do my bit and clean up the place before she gets home; wash the dishes and do the laundry. I am so grateful to Allah (swt) for gifting me with such an amazing woman to be my life partner. While both articles were not ones that were specifically appropriate to our circumstances (and quite different to the lifestyles of our families and friends), I do appreciate the sentiment and the essence of both positions – ultimately we must be less engrossed with ourselves and our own presence and increasingly aware of our partner’s (and others in general) and their welfare and their value to us. With such appreciation, those “habits” (whatever they may be to you and your partner’s circumstances) should, inshAllah, come naturally. If we can become the best of life partners for each other, it is only natural that we Muslims can then become model citizens for a better world (in my humble opinion).

    Reply

    swiss railway watch April 19, 2014 at 3:12 am

    What’s up, the whole thing is going perfectly here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that’s
    in fact good, keep up writing.

    Reply

    site April 19, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Do you have to rely on your country to give you something all the time, think out of the box and
    improvise on how you would earn more than what employment can
    offer, CNBC investing may help. Supported hardware
    devices: UNIX supports less hardware devices than Windows.
    Yes, this is the way of the world, but it doesn’t have to be your world.

    You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but
    I find this topic to be actually something which I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complex and very broad for me. I’m
    looking forward for your next post, I will try to
    get the hang of it!

    Reply

    غرف نوم April 27, 2014 at 10:14 am

    magnificent issues altogether, you just received a emblem new
    reader. What would you recommend about your put up that you just made some days in the past?
    Any certain?

    Reply

    youtube mp3 converter download April 30, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Wow! In the end I got a website from where I know how to genuinely take valuable facts regarding
    my study and knowledge.

    Reply

    { 1 trackback }

    Previous post:

    Next post: